too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
