Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
