I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This is the high leading the old right now
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
