I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
