For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize