It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
