When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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