so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
