i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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