My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
