I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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