when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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