alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
