yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize