Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm getting married
To pizza
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
