just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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