He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
