Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
