dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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