I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
