id be glad to
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
did you just send me my own nude
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
