i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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