He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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