Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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