ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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