do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
