I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
