apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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