god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
