Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
did i just pee glitter
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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