addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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