I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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