K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
