At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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