I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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