Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize