I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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