god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
