Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
