I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
