After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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