I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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