I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
