We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
