The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
