Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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