i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
