Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
