I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
