I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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