Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize