i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
