I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
