He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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