Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
