she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
