Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
