A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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