I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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