I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
