So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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