I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
