I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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