Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
