My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
