a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
