Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
