i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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