I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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