i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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