whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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