i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
