I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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