I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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