oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
