We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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