Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
