That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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