I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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