Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
