Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
