I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
