it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
